Over on his BLOGDOK
(Blog Designed Only for Killing), M.O.D.O.K. (the Mental Organism Designed Only for Killing) has been inviting applications for a position as henchman in the evil A.I.M. organisation--presumably to stock up on expendable soldiers for the Supervillain Team-Up: M.O.D.O.K.'s 11
series on sale in July.
There is a series of five questions to measure the potential henchmen's capabilities and loyalty. Being a starving artist, I can always use that evil henchman money, so I applied. Here's a transcript of the first part of the job interview.
Highly advanced ultra tech super science terror organization seeks self-starting go-getter. NO PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE REQUIRED. Multiple languages and no ties to friends or family a plus. Though risk of injury or disintegration is high, advancement in pay and mutation (through lab accident or illegal human experimentation) is quite generous. Full medical, dental and retirement benefits included, as well as personal particle cannon sidearm. Must be able to spell "MODOK."
Q1: Applicant, please describe your head. Use as much detail as possible.
Dear Mr. M.O.D.O.K.,
I would like to apply for the position of evil henchman and/or science genius.
My head would be described as swollen, although it is naturally not as large as your magnificent cranium. I can not yet fire psionic deathrays from my head, but I am training vigorously and I believe I am showing promise. Recently, I induced a headache in an innocent peon after forcing him to engage in a staring contest--and that only took three hours!
Yours sincerely (and lethally),
Niels van Eekelen
Q2: Applicant, what would you consider to be your single greatest
contribution to the field of super science?
Mighty M.O.D.O.K., Master of Mindless Minions,
Regretfully, my interest in super science was brief, as I do not believe there is much to accomplish in super science anymore. Thus disappointed with the scope on which super science operates, I have turned to Meta Science instead. As you can see, Meta Science is written capitalized, and is thus clearly superior to the uncapitalized super science. Undoubtedly, you are yourself practising Meta Science in your most secret laboratories as well.
My greatest accomplishment in this field is undoubtedly the analysis of a subconcious superpower many so-called "super-heroes" posses, allowing them to deliver entire speeches in mid- leap or punch. I am proud to say that I can now artificially duplicate this ability, ensuring that there will now always be time to explain to those same super-heroes how they are being defeated, and how truly inferior they are to the mighty M.O.D.O.K.
Niels van Eekelen
Potential Minions should be aware that only those applicants who complete the full interview will be eligible for the SVTU:M11 prize.
Q3: As you may already be aware, Applicant, A.I.M. frequently finds itself in conflict with so-called (finger quotes) "super heroes." Which super hero would you most like to beat up, and why?
Surely, the "super-hero" most deserving of a painful, torturous and above all, scientific death is none other than Doctor Strange, the so-called "sorceror supreme."
For many a year now, Doctor Strange has been attempting to make a mockery of logic and science with his so-called "magic" and "mysticism." His craft is an abomination in the face of our research and should be expunged from quantum existence.
I have acquired a guide to other mystic offenders just released by Marvel--undoubtedly this was orchestrated by your minions. All in this guide should perish, but the supposed "master" must be first.
Also, Magnificent M.O.D.O.K., do you mean to trick us? Is this a test? If anyone is applying to this job for the sole purpose of acquiring this SVTU:M11 prize of which you speak, surely he or she possesses a greed unfitting for one who will live only to serve you.
Niels van Eekelen
I'll post the rest of the interview when I can report whether I've got the job or not.