Migration Report

Okay, about time to make it official, I think.

This blog is closed until further notice. Maybe I'll think of something to do with in the future, but for now, all updates will be coming on http://nielsvaneekelen.livejournal.com/

Just posted some original fiction there, if you want to hop over. Might just be the first semi-autobiographical work I have ever deemed ready for public consumption.

LifeJournal & Monkeys

As if my lack of posts here wasn't embarrassing enough yet, I've just breathed life into the Journal function of my LifeJournal account and will be dividing what I have to say between here and there.

Take a look at http://nielsvaneekelen.livejournal.com/ if you dare.

Beware though--some tubes must be crossed somewhere in the Internet, because some kinda Space Monkey's post just turned up in my journal.

Hopefully soon, I'll get some more posts out, and perhaps even work out a logical division on what goes where.

Something's Dawning on Me

There is something fundamentally disturbing about turning off the light to go to bed after working late to make a deadline, only to realize that you could have turned the light of earlier. Y'know, what with the sun coming up already.

Hurrah!

Yay, I've got the links back in the right color, and underlined too.

It's the little things in life that make you happy.

The M.O.D.O.K. Job Interview, Part II

Continued from the previous entry: The Mental Organism Designed Only for Killing's open auditions for the position of evil henchman.

The following Monday, no interview question was posted.

Marvelous M.O.D.O.K.,

There was no new application test this past Monday--please tell us this does not mean the position of henchman has already been filled? Surely, the casualty rates among your minions are high enough that some of us can still be of use to you?

Yours employably,
Niels van Eekelen

Posted by I MODOK:
Fear Not Applicants! Due to the exceptional number of pictures involved, the delay in uploading "The Old Ball & Chain" required bumping Question 4 of the Job Interview to next week! But it shall return then as glorious as before -- to separate you pitiful whiny girls from glorious A.I.M. scientist/stormtroopers!!

The following Monday:

Q4: To follow up on my previous question, Applicant, what specialized tactics, techniques or abilities would you use to accomplish the aforementioned
super hero beatdown?

Murderous M.O.D.O.K.,

Hm, difficult...

The reason that has earned Dr. Strange my wrath is also the reason he will be difficult to defeat. How does one combat one who defies traditional logic?

My first strategy is to attack the master of vagaries with purest reason: that is to say, math: that is to say, numbers: that is to say, throwing a lot of warm bodies at him, armed with a lot of weapons.*

If the first strategy does not work, Strange's elimination should logically fall to our psy-division. With no conscious mind, Strange can cast no spells.

Lastly, should our foul opponent continue to beat the odds, there is always the option of prodding Strange's natural foes and manipulating them into attacking him, and continuing until one is succesfull. Dealing with creatures as mystical as Strange himself is distasteful, but in the name of Science, it shall be done!

Yours schemingly,
Niels van Eekelen

*) Depending on the availability of A.I.M. lackeys, it may be wise to outsource this to Hydra.

Q5: You have comported yourself most well, Applicant. You are articulate, well-dressed, and evidence a rage against humanity that will prove most useful to our organization. I have only one more thing to ask you.

WHAT CAN YOU DO TO PROVE TO ME YOU ARE NOT AN UNDERCOVER S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT SENT TO SPY ON ADVANCED IDEA MECHANICS? HUH? HUH? PROVE IT TO ME!!

Note the red-hot glowing death glow glowing in my ruby-red headband as you contemplate your response.

Maniacal M.O.D.O.K.,

Truthfully, the vile insult that I might be in any way connected to the science amateurs of S.H.I.E.L.D. almost provoked me to drop out of the application process entirely, but I suppose I can see your concerns.

As for proof, it is difficult to provide truly definitive evidence. I can only suggest that for my first assignment, you command me to commit actions S.H.I.E.L.D. would never approve of. Something involving death, for instance. Preferably of the costumed variety.

Yours loyally,
Niels van Eekelen

At this point, M.O.D.O.K. foolishly chose to select another applicant into his employ.

You realize of course, M.O.D.O.K., that this means war. As "The Handbook of Evil Henchmen and Other Assorted Lackeys" clearly states, being snubbed for any sort of position is cause for lifelong vendetta.

Also pursuant the Handbook, I shall not congratulate the winner, "JAK8," in any way, shape or form, but instead name him as a secondary obsession in my vendetta.

You shall rue the day, etcetera, etcetera.

Friendly greetings,
Niels van Eekelen

The M.O.D.O.K. Job Interview, Part I

Over on his BLOGDOK (Blog Designed Only for Killing), M.O.D.O.K. (the Mental Organism Designed Only for Killing) has been inviting applications for a position as henchman in the evil A.I.M. organisation--presumably to stock up on expendable soldiers for the Supervillain Team-Up: M.O.D.O.K.'s 11 series on sale in July.

There is a series of five questions to measure the potential henchmen's capabilities and loyalty. Being a starving artist, I can always use that evil henchman money, so I applied. Here's a transcript of the first part of the job interview.

Highly advanced ultra tech super science terror organization seeks self-starting go-getter. NO PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE REQUIRED. Multiple languages and no ties to friends or family a plus. Though risk of injury or disintegration is high, advancement in pay and mutation (through lab accident or illegal human experimentation) is quite generous. Full medical, dental and retirement benefits included, as well as personal particle cannon sidearm. Must be able to spell "MODOK."

Q1: Applicant, please describe your head. Use as much detail as possible.

Dear Mr. M.O.D.O.K.,

I would like to apply for the position of evil henchman and/or science genius.

My head would be described as swollen, although it is naturally not as large as your magnificent cranium. I can not yet fire psionic deathrays from my head, but I am training vigorously and I believe I am showing promise. Recently, I induced a headache in an innocent peon after forcing him to engage in a staring contest--and that only took three hours!

Yours sincerely (and lethally),
Niels van Eekelen

Q2: Applicant, what would you consider to be your single greatest
contribution to the field of super science?

Mighty M.O.D.O.K., Master of Mindless Minions,

Regretfully, my interest in super science was brief, as I do not believe there is much to accomplish in super science anymore. Thus disappointed with the scope on which super science operates, I have turned to Meta Science instead. As you can see, Meta Science is written capitalized, and is thus clearly superior to the uncapitalized super science. Undoubtedly, you are yourself practising Meta Science in your most secret laboratories as well.

My greatest accomplishment in this field is undoubtedly the analysis of a subconcious superpower many so-called "super-heroes" posses, allowing them to deliver entire speeches in mid- leap or punch. I am proud to say that I can now artificially duplicate this ability, ensuring that there will now always be time to explain to those same super-heroes how they are being defeated, and how truly inferior they are to the mighty M.O.D.O.K.

Yours expositionally,
Niels van Eekelen

Potential Minions should be aware that only those applicants who complete the full interview will be eligible for the SVTU:M11 prize.

Q3: As you may already be aware, Applicant, A.I.M. frequently finds itself in conflict with so-called (finger quotes) "super heroes." Which super hero would you most like to beat up, and why?

Majestic M.O.D.O.K.,

Surely, the "super-hero" most deserving of a painful, torturous and above all, scientific death is none other than Doctor Strange, the so-called "sorceror supreme."

For many a year now, Doctor Strange has been attempting to make a mockery of logic and science with his so-called "magic" and "mysticism." His craft is an abomination in the face of our research and should be expunged from quantum existence.

I have acquired a guide to other mystic offenders just released by Marvel--undoubtedly this was orchestrated by your minions. All in this guide should perish, but the supposed "master" must be first.

Also, Magnificent M.O.D.O.K., do you mean to trick us? Is this a test? If anyone is applying to this job for the sole purpose of acquiring this SVTU:M11 prize of which you speak, surely he or she possesses a greed unfitting for one who will live only to serve you.

Yours subserviently,
Niels van Eekelen


I'll post the rest of the interview when I can report whether I've got the job or not.

Breaking News

This just in:

I wish I was Warren Ellis.

Sometimes Space Monkey actually has something to say about the issues.

Lots of discussion about sexism in comic and other fiction lately. Posted in a discussion elsewhere but worth repeating:

Treating female characters like they're made out of porcelain is just as sexist as the opposite extreme. Stories, by and large, are built out of bad things happening to characters and them dealing with it. And some types of stories are violent, yes.

If bad things aren't allowed to happen to female characters... Well, in the end you're just going to have less female characters, and those that are left will be there to support the male leads.

(The context: violence against the female lead in this Small Press Idol participant. Go vote, whether it is for this entry or for any other.)